As lightfooted as an elephant and as humble as a peacock...

As a born appeaser and committed conflict avoider, I have deep respect for folks who are willing to speak publicly of their faith, especially in situations that leave them open to criticism and ridicule.  My graduate school adviser is a Messianic Jew and a gifted chemistry professor.  He has periodically taken out an ad in the school paper stating the basics of his Christian beliefs.  I think it's gutsy and God-honoring and life-giving for the students who need to know that there are well-respected and brilliant professors on campus who are Christians.*  Academics can be harsh and condescending to students of faith.  

There are, however, public and ballsy statements of faith that are, I think, damaging.  A friend sent me Rabbi Jonathan Miller's response to Alabama Governor Robert Bentley's remarks at a church service following his inauguration.  Governor Bentley said,

"There may be some people here today who do not have living within them the Holy Spirit.  But if you have been adopted in God's family like I have, and like you have if you're a Christian and if you're saved, and the Holy Spirit lives within you just like the Holy Spirit lives within me, then you know what that makes? It makes you and me brothers. And it makes you and me brother and sister. . . Now I will have to say, that if we don't have the same daddy, we're not brothers and sisters. So anybody here today who has not accepted Jesus Christ as their savior, I'm telling you, you're not my brother and you're not my sister, and I want to be your brother."

Rabbi Miller's response was gracious.  He seemed to feel both disenfranchised and degraded.  He said,

"Governor Bentley, as a non-Christian, I felt disenfranchised from your grace as our leader in the immediate hours after your inauguration. If you were an archbishop or the pastor of a church, I could take issue with these statements, or even ignore them. But you are my Governor. Our great nation, by law and tradition, provides us with religious freedom. And even though we do not believe exactly alike, we ought to see each other with brotherly affection, and as equals in conscience and human worth."

I'm going to set aside the issue of what is and is not appropriate in a political leader.  As his sister in Christ, I think Governor Bentley's remarks are wrong for other reasons.  As believers, when we speak of our faith to non-Christians, our attitude should not be 

"I'm in a club you're not in.  Don't you wish you were me."

That's prideful, annoying and completely off-putting.  In his letter, Rabbi Miller speaks of all of humanity as brothers and sisters and as children of God.  I think what he's saying to Christians is, "Don't put yourself on a different level than me."  He has a point.  Our attitude should be instead,

"We're in the same club in terms of being screwed up.  I'm messed up, and I'm confident you are too.  Left to my own resources, I'm the kind of person who is needy, demanding, self-righteous and self-centered with my husband.  I'm angry, demanding and unkind to my children.  On my own, I'm completely self-absorbed in my relationships with others."

From a posture of humility, gentleness and respect, I'm called to share that there is hope - that God's solution is not for us to grit our teeth and try really hard to become better people, the kind of people who don't yell at their kids, aren't demanding and self-absorbed with their spouses,...  His solution was to send his Son to take on the responsibility for my sins.  If I accept that solution, I gain access to the Holy Spirit.  According to his own wisdom and somewhat in relation to the degree I'm willing to live my life God's way - the way Jesus would have if he had been me,** God changes me by his Holy Spirit.  There are some things I don't struggle with, because of the particular way God made me.  I don't cut people off on the road.  I'm naturally patient with any one of my children when we're alone together and don't have a task to complete.  But, give me more than one child at a time or something to accomplish, and I really struggle with anger.  Without God's help, I yell.  A lot.  But by the work of the Holy Spirit, God is changing me.  Through prayer, the wisdom in the Bible and through fellowship with other believers, my character is changing, albeit painfully slowly.

There's purity of heart and wisdom needed in when and how to share the hope we have found in Jesus.  A great deal of damage is done when it's shared at the wrong time or from a place of pride and condescension, as I believe it was in the governor's speech.  Jesus instructed his followers to be as wise as serpents and as innocent as doves.  What's the wisdom of a serpent?  It's to strike only at the right time.  What's the innocence of a dove?  A dove is gentle and without ulterior motive.  It is guileless.***  In sharing our faith, evangelicals too often have the trampling feet of an elephant and the pride of a peacock. 

*If you're interested in reading more about Dr. Tour, see this article or his personal statement on his website here.

**Shamelessly stolen from Dallas Willard.  See The Divine Conspiracy.

***Again, shamelessly stolen from Dallas Willard.

Before Sinai...

I read this yesterday morning:

"Exodus does not start with God and Moses on Mt. Sinai.  It starts with five women* giving Moses life, protection and training.  The great books of Samuel do not begin with Samuel, Saul or David.  They start with Hannah struggling to bring forth a son...David was in Bethlehem because two women (Naomi and Ruth) came back there to make a home and to start again God's way."**

It gave me vision for my day yesterday.  I need frequent reminders that this mothering gig is important.  I almost always know it in my head, but I get tired and forget it in my heart.
____________________

Chris and his dad took the two big boys skiing today.  With a 50% reduction in little boys in this house, I may actually finish my list today.

This is one of those pictures that makes it look like your morning went down much differently than it actually did.  I'll leave it at that.


*The five women are the two Hebrew midwives who refused to kill all the newborn boys, Moses' mother and sister, and Pharaoh's daughter.
**From The Five Aspects of Woman by Barbara Mouser.

Don't blame Beethoven...

Philip Yancey is one of my favorite authors.  His book, Where is God When It Hurts got me through a time when I was too angry to read my Bible.  He says the things many people think but are unwilling to say.  I love his titles - Church: Why Bother, What Good is God, Prayer: Does It Make a Difference, Soul Survivor: How Thirteen Unlikely Mentors Helped My Faith Survive the Church, ...

I came across this Yancey quote concerning the kinds of people God uses.  I think it also works as a commentary on the inadequacies of the church.

Thinking back over the Christian personalities I’ve known, as well as those featured in both Old and New Testaments, I’ve come up with the following principle: God uses the talent pool available.

To adapt an analogy I heard recently, when the Pueblo, Colorado, Symphony Orchestra plays Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony—don’t blame Beethoven.  On the other hand, the only way many Coloradans will ever hear Beethoven is through that struggling ensemble.  Unlike Christopher Hitchens and the defenders of non-religion, I can still hear strains of the Good News wherever I go in the world, which is why I keep writing about it.

 

King david...

I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
       even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me.
       Because he is at my right hand,
       I will not be shaken.
You have made known to me the path of life;
       you will fill me with joy in your presence,
       with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:7-8, 11

I'm reading about King David with the boys right now.  He refused to kill Saul or his descendants, even in the face of great provocation from Saul, anointing from God and multiple opportunities.  Out of reverence for and fear of God, he refused to do what made A LOT of sense in his day - to kill off the rival king and heirs who threatened your power, particularly if that king was actively trying to kill you,  was a no-brainer.  David even had the men who claimed to have killed Saul and who had murdered Saul's son executed.  In his day, that was a crazy way to do things - but it was God's way.

This hit me even harder when I read later on that day about the actions of the Roman emporers who claimed to be Christian.  They consistently killed off rivals, and they had Jesus' teachings.  Their culture and the "practical" way of doing things was just too ingrained.  I know that in all likelihood some were not believers but just used Christianity for political purposes.  But I think some really were believers and just would not let go of pursuing life their own way to let the Lord counsel them.

This makes me wonder what I accept blindly and unthinkingly from my culture but is actually offensive to God and not even in my best interest.

Free...

We met with our nature walk group a few weeks after Rand broke his leg.  Someone in the group asked what had happened.  I recited my attempt at a light-hearted version of the event.  She immediately zeroed in on the undercurrents of shame.

Friend:  There is no condemnation.

Me:  (nervous/embarrassed laugh, nodding head in surface agreement)

Friend:  No, I can see that you're still condemning yourself.  You're believing a lie.  There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.

Me:  (now really listening)  Thank you.

I had heard the same words from my husband, my mother, my sister-in-law, but for some reason, from the mouth of this virtual stranger, it felt as though it came directly from the heart of God.

The following Sunday a missionary spoke at church.  She told the story of a woman in the village where she worked.  The woman was extremely bitter.  The missionary later learned that the son of this woman had been imprisoned for 5 or 6 years and was still awaiting trial.  There was a local medicine man who would utter special incantations for $85.  These incantations were guaranteed to result in the speedy release of the prisoner.  This woman was ashamed of what she had done, presumably theft and prostitution, to raise the necessary funds.  When she delivered the cash, the medicine man insisted she sleep with him.  In desperation, she agreed.  Her son was not released.  She was eaten up with shame and bitterness.  Some of the local women shared with her the gospel - that there is forgiveness and grace and a different way of life available in Jesus.  She believed and is now a Follower of Jesus. 

Those words, "There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus," jumped to my mind.  I feel a little silly comparing my suburban mama woes with this woman struggling for survival, but it's the same God who has freed us both.  Her son was released within a few days of her decision.

Daily office...

My church has just started a project called Daily Office, and I'm really excited about it. The vision is to make the pursuit of God a part of your entire day.  You get a morning devotion, an evening devotion and a text at noon and 5:00.  You can sign up online through September 29 at

http://www.gatewaychurch.org/learn-grow/daily-office-project.html

"Grace is not opposed to effort, it's opposed to earning"...

I'm turning into a Dallas Willard groupie.  I read The Great Omission and it rocked my world.  His main point is that as a church, we are not seriously pursuing discipleship - actually trying to do the things Jesus said we should do and thus become more like him.  We have shifted the focus from giving our lives over to Jesus and his leadership - his leadership in the things we do every day.  The focus is on our eternal destiny.  We "make converts and baptize into church membership."  Serious discipleship is optional.  It's for the super-Christian.  This adjusted version of Christianity results in believers (i.e., me)whose lives do not look appreciably different from non- or anti- Christians.  Willard connects this fact with the declining acceptance of the exclusivity of Christianity.  Why should people accept that Jesus is THE way when our lives don't look any different from the lives of people who don't follow him?  

At this point the Baptist girl and teacher's pet in me starts to freak out and jump into "frantic faithfulness"* mode.  How exactly are you supposed to pursue Christlikeness?  You cannot get at the fruits of the Spirit** directly.  (Have you tried?  It's a completely demoralizing exercise.)  A physicist at church used a gyroscope to demonstrate this.  To move a gyroscope straight forward, you push diagonally (I think).  To become patient you can't just grit your teeth and push forward.  So what do you do?  Well, we're not blazing a new trail here.  Others have gone before us.  Dallas Willard writes of the spiritual disciplines as "activities in our power that we engage in to enable us to do what we cannot do by direct effort."

The overwhelming majority of things that pull me away from God are pretty mundane.  They don't seem like a big deal, but when I consider the impact they make in my life in terms of time, emotional energy and distraction, they're HUGE - food, TV, shopping, the way I speak to my children and about other people (Interesting aside - As I was typing this I realized that I basically never struggle over speaking poorly ABOUT my children or TO other grownups.  I like to brag about my kids and I don't want to offend other adults, at least not to their faces. What if I shifted my bragging energy toward other adults and my kind tone of voice toward my children.)  There are spiritual disciplines that address each of these hangups:  fasting, frugality, simplicity, silence and solitude.  It's not direct, and the specifics of how it works don't really make sense to me.  I know as a mom that I'm going to be gentler with my children if I wake up and have some quiet before they come hurling down the stairs.  I don't know why, but I know that I don't hear that quiet leading from God very often when I'm in a pattern of overeating.  I'm just taking baby steps here, but the living testimony of people like John Bunyan and Mother Teresa is that this stuff works.

Wow, this started as a book report and turned into a sermon/confessional.  Back to the subject at hand.  Willard also points out that grace is not only about the forgiveness of sins.  It is also about living life in a different way.  It takes A LOT of grace to seriously pursue Christlikeness. 

He challenges churches to consider how much of what we do is "futile ways received from our fathers" and be willing to omit anything, salvage nothing but what "brings ourselves and others to do whatsoever Jesus has commanded us." 

Here are some quotes from The Great Omission:

"The idea that following Jesus as a disciple is optional has slowly crept into church thinking.  Is that true?  On what do we base that idea?"

"Am I a disciple or just a Christian by current standards"

Speaking of solitude and silence

"Accept the grace of doing nothing.  Stay with it until you stop jerking and squirming."

"Grace is not opposed to effort, it's opposed to earning.  Earning is an attitude.  Effort is an action."

"Character is formed through action, and it is transformed through action, including carefully planned and grace-sustained disciplines."

Concerning the good church member approach to following Jesus - "The problem of life is too radical for that to be the solution."

This was written to ministers, but I've adapted it for mothers.   "The most important thing happening at any moment, in the midst of all our [mothering] duties is the kind of persons we are becoming." 

*From Freedom of Simplicity by Richard Foster

**The fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  I have been able to recite these since the tender age of fifteen when I participated in a psychotic game at Baptist church camp (that was mostly not psychotic).  A handful of teenagers in a room of a couple hundred is taught the fruits of the Spirit.  It is their job to spread the word throughout the room.  Every couple of minutes a group of people "dies" based on a recognizable trait like eye color.  They get to go to "heaven" or are condemned to "hell" based on whether or not they can recite the fruits of the Spirit.  So, the downside is that I went to hell because I have green eyes.  The upside is that while they are psycho sometimes, the Baptists (among whom I count myself) can inspire memory work in a teenager like nobody's business.

Great Falls and the C&O canal...

We visited the C&O canal on Saturday, and I was reminded of a quote from an Asian pastor touring American churches.  It was something along the lines of 

"It is amazing what the western church can do without God."

The canal is very cool.  The most interesting part is watching the operation of the lock.  They pull open the doors to the lock and water rushes in lifting the waters of the canal.  It's interesting.  It made me pause and say, "Huh, cool."  If you were looking for Great Falls, you might think, "Well, there's rushing water here.  It's close.  It kind of reminds me of a waterfall."  Though innovative and interesting, it's entirely explainable, manageable.  When you take a closer look, you notice that the water is stagnant and the banks are clearly man-made.  It did nothing for my spirit. 

Off to the side, there is a path that leads to an overview of Great Falls.  It is not in the same category as the canal.  It is Other.  There are rapids, waterfalls, boulders, ...  There are some pockets of still water but nothing stagnant.  It's scary.  The current is swift - treacherous.  It is a thing of God, not of man.  

There were kayaks putting in at Great Falls.  It looked scary but EXHILIRATING.  Other.  There was a boat ride at the canal.  It looked BORING.  

The night before this excursion, Chris and I participated in a meeting at church.  We're planning some things we'd like to do as a church - important Jesus things.  Reflecting on the canal, I want to be so careful and prayerful.  I want to kayak Great Falls and not sit on a boat in the C&O Canal.

*  Note - the C&O Canal was rendered obsolete before the project was even completed.

** This was a really great outing with the kids.  They loved the rock scrambling.

I will not forget you...

But Zion said, "The LORD has forsaken me,
       the Lord has forgotten me."
 "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
       and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
       Though she may forget,
       I will not forget you!
 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
       your walls are ever before me.
Isaiah 49:14-16

This passage was like water to my soul when we lost our babies.  It struck me in a new way when we brought David home and I adjusted to life with a nursing baby.  Suddenly even getting to the grocery store was complicated.  I had to plan my day with his needs in mind.  I couldn't be separated from him for more than two or three hours without significant planning.  In fact, as a nursing mother, it was physically painful to be away from him for more than a few hours.  Physically, I could not forget him.

A few months ago I wrote down everything I did for Rand in a day to more fully appreciate these words.

6:20  Feed and change Rand
6:40  Hold Rand
6:55  Put Rand on floor with toys
7:07  Hold Rand and do chores
7:15  Put Rand down to play
7:25  Fix Rand breaksfast
7:40  Put Rand in exersaucer
8:00 Hold Rand
8:15  Put Rand down for a nap
11:00 Feed Rand
11:15 Change Rand's diaper
11:20 Load Rand in car seat
11:45 Carry Rand in ergo for grocery store
12:40 Load Rand in car seat
1:00  Hold Rand
1:15 Rand in exersaucer
1:25 Hold Rand
1:35 Rock Rand and put him down for nap
3:30 Nurse Rand
3:45 Change Rand's diaper
3:50 Load Rand in car seat
4:00 Put Rand in exersaucer
4:30 Hold Rand
4:40 Put Rand in baby ergo for chores
5:20 Put Rand in car seat for errands
6:30 Nurse Rand
6:45 Fix Rand's dinner
6:50 Feed Rand dinner
7:10 Nurse Rand
7:20 Change Rand's diaper
7:25 Rock Rand and put him to bed

"Though she may forget, I will not forget you!"

Pilgrim's progress...

My favorite day of our Colorado trip was the day Chris, Amy, Blake and I hiked on our own (shout out to my awesome in-laws for keeping the kids). We took a ten mile hike up to the tree line and back. It was overwhelming - beyond words, definitely beyond pictures. You look at a mountain and it looks like trees and rock. It doesn't look like it could hold creeks, pools, rapids, meadows, lakes and waterfalls.

Our first destination was Alberta Falls, a spectacular waterfall at 9300 ft. elevation. It is difficult to wrap your mind around that much water that high up a mountain. It was fairly crowded there. It's a popular spot. We could have been satisfied staying there.


We hiked on through glades of aspens and along a ridge to Mills Lake. The idea of a lake on a mountain fascinates me. It's so unexpected. The air and the crowd was thinner there at almost 10,000 ft.


The last section of the hike was my favorite. We walked alongside a creek twisting through meadows, gently pooling in some places and crashing over and around rocks in others. There were log bridges laid end to end across a swampy meadow. I felt like a little girl, walking across those bridges with the sun on my face and the wind in my hair. There were rocks to scramble over in the woods. We met only a few people here. At the end we had to trudge through snow. We met a woman who turned back at the snow. She had about 200 yards to go. We made it through the snow and the creek, jumping from rock to rock to make it to Black Lake. The name doesn't fit - Anne Shirley would be ashamed. It's a stark and fiercely beautiful lake 10,630 feet up - right at the tree line. We were the only people there. I wanted to go on higher but we had to start down to make it back before the afternoon storms.


There are some spiritual observations that I can't resist. I think they've all been said before.

On a hike, you need all kinds of people - someone to remind you to keep going, that there's more on the trail ahead; someone to tell you not to go wandering into the woods alone no matter how enamored you are with them; someone to make you stop and look at the view; and someone to run to the edge of every precipice just because it's there.


Sometimes the water is roaring. Sometimes it's gently trickling. Sometimes you can only hear it. Even when you can't hear it, it's always there.

A tree can grow out of a rock.

God can redeem our mistakes, but we still miss things when we don't walk faithfully.

We're satisfied with so much less than God is willing to show us.

Peace. Amen.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, even when I hate it and it sucks...

Inadvertently, I did a high ropes course today. I thought we signed up for a ropes course. That word "high" is actually key. We walked up to the course area, and there were harnesses laid out. I thought, "That's weird. We're doing the zip line at the end. Why do we have to put on harnesses now? Whatever." The instructor was going over the safety instructions. I was paying him a little more attention than I would a flight attendant, but not much. Then I caught the phrase, "thirty-five feet above the ground.". Internal monologue:
"Did he just say thirty-five feet above the ground. Holy crap. I thought this was the trust fall thing. What is he saying - clip, flip, screw, squeeze. That sounds like a porno. Who is going to be checking this when I'm up in a freaking tree."
Externally, "Chris, didn't you think it was odd that I agreed to this with no protests? What were you thinking?" Chris assured me that I didn't have to do it, but the student in me could not walk away from a class without completing the assignment. Plus the zip line looked fun.

First I had to climb the tree. That wasn't so bad. You can feel the safety rope pulling you up. It doesn't feel like it's all on you. Then I stepped onto the little platform. Things started to spin. I had to let go with both hands to get things set up - bad, but not the worst. The worst part was taking the first step from the platform to the line. I seriously nearly had a heart attack. Midway through I almost fell. I started reciting, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, even when I hate it and it sucks." That got me across two lines and safely to the zip line, which rocked.

I have now experienced a high ropes course and will not be participating in that insanity again.

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