Jacob: (computer voice) I am a X3-180 alien from Jupiter. Give me all the chocolate in your frigerator.
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Bryan: Will you give me a kiss - but not on the wips.Me: Why not?Bryan: (disgust) Cause dat's wike Anakin and Padme.
911: I really need you to calm down. This is our number one priority. We have units on the way. What is he wearing?
Me: (Holy shit, units. This is serious.) I can't remember. I think a gray shirt and red shorts, but that could be wrong. All I know for sure is that he's barefoot. (I was wrong - blue shirt, no pants. Epic fail as helpful eyewitness. The gray shirt/red shorts outfit is what I had planned to put on him but never got around to it.)
911: (Probably trying to ask me a question I know the answer to as she's already gotten his age) When is his birthday...
What do you do with the younger kids while you're teaching the older ones?
Well, sometimes I lose them and have to call 911.
(Kids laughing at a backyard neighbor's house)
Bryan: I'm going to go see who's making all that noise.
David: I hope Big Foot doesn't get you.
Bryan: (90% confidence, 10% fear) David, I know you're wrong. Big Foot lives in Nathan's barn (their cousin who lives a few hours a way and recently spent a few days with us).
David: No, remember, Nathan said he saw Big Foot leaving his house and heading here. He said Big Foot likes to eat kids who sleep in top bunks with a crib underneath. (Bryan is the only kid among all the cousins who has those sleeping arrangements).
(Chris and I finally stop snickering like junior high children and intervene.)
Me: Bryan, there's no Big Foot in the yard. You can go.
Bryan: No, I'll stay here.
Me: Do you want me to go with you?
Bryan: (unsure) Okay. (Grabs my hand. We walk two feet into the grass.) I'm all done.
Summer is Right, Chris is Wrong
Summer is right, Chris is wrong
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.