Saturday, January 19, 2013

A different kind of pursuing...

I'm in a new phase of cancer. I'm not as desperate as I was in the uncertain beginning. I'm getting used to it, and that has its own difficulties. It's not overwhelming sadness but a sort of functional despondency that is my enemy now. The interminable drizzle rather then the tidal wave. In my sorrow, my fear, my desperation, I can lean on my Father in a way that's not possible when I ignore my reality. I find that if I don't periodically turn my mind intentionally toward the depth of what I'm facing and acknowledge the Beast that is cancer, I deny myself the comfort and strength available from my God.

Maybe that's why so much time in the psalms is spent describing in almost embarrassingly emotional detail the author's unpleasant circumstances.

They had to be here:

"My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning." Psalm 31:10

Before they could get here:

"Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help." Psalm 31:22

It's a different kind of pursuing God.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


  1. Reminds me of "My Eyes So Soft" by Persian poet Hafiz:

    Don't surrender your loneliness so quickly
    let it cut more deep.
    Let it ferment and season you
    as few human or even divine ingredients can
    Something missing in my heart tonight
    has made my eyes so soft
    my voice so tender
    my need of god
    absolutely clear.

    blessings. always thinking of y'all.


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