I'm in a new phase of cancer. I'm not as desperate as I was in the uncertain beginning. I'm getting used to it, and that has its own difficulties. It's not overwhelming sadness but a sort of functional despondency that is my enemy now. The interminable drizzle rather then the tidal wave. In my sorrow, my fear, my desperation, I can lean on my Father in a way that's not possible when I ignore my reality. I find that if I don't periodically turn my mind intentionally toward the depth of what I'm facing and acknowledge the Beast that is cancer, I deny myself the comfort and strength available from my God.
Maybe that's why so much time in the psalms is spent describing in almost embarrassingly emotional detail the author's unpleasant circumstances.
They had to be here:
"My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning." Psalm 31:10
Before they could get here:
"Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help." Psalm 31:22
It's a different kind of pursuing God.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Reminds me of "My Eyes So Soft" by Persian poet Hafiz:
ReplyDeleteDon't surrender your loneliness so quickly
let it cut more deep.
Let it ferment and season you
as few human or even divine ingredients can
Something missing in my heart tonight
has made my eyes so soft
my voice so tender
my need of god
absolutely clear.
blessings. always thinking of y'all.
Love this.
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