Tomorrow is a big day for us. Chris has a PET scan to determine whether this chemo regimen is working. It is an apt representation of the entire cancer experience - full of ambiguity, inconclusiveness, apprehension, and waiting. Basically the PET scan will indicate whether the tumor is responding. Possible outcomes:
- The tumor appears to be smaller than it was two months ago. That's good news. Probably. We won't know for sure until they take the tumor out after surgery (early April) and get pathology results on it (early May). So, tears of joy that diminish as you realize you... STILL... DON'T... KNOW.
- The tumor looks about the same as it did two months ago. That's, at a minimum, very depressing news. It means we start over on chemo with four more rounds before surgery. The doctor claims that this is not the time to get upset as a lot of people who respond well to treatment in the end, don't respond to the first regimen. But the mathematician (and emotional, neurotic mess) in me disagrees. In this scenario, we have surgery in early June and conclusive pathology results in July. So, hysterical tears that more gradually diminish as you realize you... STILL... DON'T... KNOW.
Lord have mercy, there has got to be an easier way to learn patience.