The following sentence is the steady drumbeat of our lives right now...
This is so hard.
The chemo that was supposed to be relatively easy has kicked our butts. Chris has been as sick as I've ever seen him. It's hard to watch him suffer. It's hard to be patient and kind with the boys. I handle the huge and horrible stuff with relative grace, but then someone dumps half of their bath water out of the tub, and I fall apart. And right now, when I fall apart, my family falls apart.
Friday was a particularly tough day. I had to apologize to the boys for a lot. In an attempt to head off another ugly scene, I spoke to them before we ventured inside the grocery store.
Me: Boys, I'm having a hard day. If you guys are difficult in the store, I'm probably going to sit down in the middle of the floor and cry and that's going to be embarrassing for everyone.
Boys: (stifling giggles because that sounds really funny but they can't figure out if laughing is going to make me flip out on them)
Me: (smile, so they know it's okay to giggle) So, for the sake of all our dignity, I need your best behavior in there. (now stern) And if you give me a hard time, you're getting a piece of bread for dinner, and you're going to bed at 7.
We made it through the grocery store without embarrassing ourselves. Success.
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