Thursday, July 25, 2013

Passive-aggressive driving

My stint as Chris' full-time driver has come to an end. While chemo will continue to lay him out every two to three weeks for the next nine months, his leg has improved a lot, and I'm just an intermittent chauffeur now. On one of my last full-time days...

Chris: Episode #11 - Changing lanes erratically.

Me: (eye roll)

Chris: Episode #17 - Indecisiveness causing us to miss the light.

Me: (eye roll)

Chris: Episode #29 - Exceeding the speed limit.

Me: (serious voice) Oh my goodness! You're right! I am speeding. Well I can fix that.

Do you have any idea how annoying it is to drive the actual speed limit on the freeway? Chris does.

(58mph on the freeway in very light traffic, cars flying past us)

Me: Oh! I almost passed someone. I need to slow down.

Chris: (laughing). Summer, come on. I have cancer.

Me: All you have to do is apologize for your rude comments and say, "Summer is a better driver than me."

Chris: I'm calling your mom. (Ring, ring). Judy, Summer's being mean.

Me: I'm just trying to be safe, and all he has to do is apologize.

Mom: Summer, you be nice to Chris.

Me: (still driving painfully slow, cars zooming past) Okay, Mom. I sure will. (Click). Wow. This is such a powerful weapon. I can't believe it's taken me 16 years to discover driving the speed limit as offense.

It took 15 minutes for him to capitulate. I'm still kind of dizzy from the power rush.


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