Miss Summer, God loves you...

Yesterday was good for me.  I feel refreshed.  I need that day to focus on grieving for Caleb and Ellie and to remember the way God has provided for me.  John says that July 8 is like the bitter herbs of Passover.  

I read through all the cards, letters and emails from that time.  Some were well spoken and heartfelt.  Some were awkward and heartfelt.  There were pictures from children and notes in the shaky handwriting of the elderly.  It was and is balm for my wounded soul.  It reminds me of the way God cared for us through His people.

In the cards from children, there were three themes:  God loves Miss Summer, God loves Caleb and Ellie, and I love you.  When I was in the deepest pit of grief, that is exactly what I heard from God:  I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Missing him...

My first son, Caleb, was born and died ten years ago today. Ten years - that's hard to believe. We didn't know if we would have another child and have since been blessed with four. That makes me smile every time I think about it. God has been open-handed with me.

But I still miss my son. It isn't constant as it was in those early days, but there are times when the longing for him is physically painful. It feels like the air has been removed from my chest, and the reality that my son is not with me overwhelms me.

I miss him.
Photo embroidery by my good friend crewelwhorled.